Chapter 22

Wow… 22 was something else. Like truly, what a rollercoaster. Looking back at my journal from this time last year, I can feel the hope pouring off the page. I was so ready—ready to reinvent my life, shift into my dream girl era, become the woman I always imagined I’d be. But as always… my sweet, sweet impatience had other plans. It didn’t care about timing or process—it just wanted results now. And let me tell you, that impatience led to a lot of spiraling, second-guessing, and a solid amount of disappointment.

It took a while to get here. And I’m still not quite the dream version of myself I pictured in my head—but I’m soooo much closer. Like, she’s in the mirror some days now. That’s progress.

On my 22nd birthday, I moved out of my mom’s house for the first time. Fully on my own. No roommates. No safety net. Just me, my anxiety, and a box fan. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world—but I definitely picked the worst time in my life to do it. My anxiety was slowly creeping in louder and louder every day, and I chose a place to live that was… not the best.

At the same time, I was working a severely stressful job, taking four college classes over the summer and fall, and trying to convince myself I could juggle it all while "figuring out who I am" or whatever Pinterest said I should be doing. I was eager—so eager—to start my “real life.” But looking back, I now see that God didn’t have me ready yet. I wasn’t equipped. I hadn’t healed. I hadn’t learned how to be alone without unraveling.

But I tried anyway. I pushed, I forced, I white-knuckled the timeline—and in return, I ended up hurting myself more than helping. But even in all that chaos, I was covered. God’s grace showed up, not with a lightning bolt or a magic wand, but with gentle reminders, redirections, and so much patience. And even though the process was messy, I did grow closer to Him. It wasn’t linear. It wasn’t pretty. But it was real. And now? We’re tight. But back then? Whew. I questioned everything. His goodness, my purpose, why life felt so hard… it was a season of wrestling.

Eventually, He called me back home—and yeah… moving back in with my mom at 22 felt like a plot twist I did not see coming. It was humbling. It was emotional. It was a little dramatic, not gonna lie. But I knew, deep down, that it was the right move. I needed the stillness. I needed the reset.

And while, yes, 22 had more hard days than easy ones—I still woke up every single day. I still showed up. I had a job. I had friends. I had a family who cared. I met new people. I picked up old hobbies that brought me peace.

It was a year that humbled me, tested me, and stretched me—sometimes to the point of breaking. But it was also a year that softened me, strengthened my faith, and brought me back to who I really am.

Things I Accomplished at 22

Let’s give her credit where it’s due—because even in the mess, I did some things.

• Got a new job

• Lived on my own
  Okay, short-lived—but still, it counts. It was a trial run in independence. I learned how to be alone without being lonely.

• Got closer to graduating college
  Every semester felt like a battle, but we’re inching toward the finish line. One step closer!

• Bought a new truck
  Big girl purchase alert. She’s shiny. She’s reliable. She makes me feel powerful.

• Read 20+ books

• Got a bob
  …and immediately regretted it. Never again. But at least now I know.

• Met soooooooo many new people
  Some stayed. Some didn’t. All taught me something.

• Picked up new hobbies
  Little joys. Creative outlets. Things that felt like me again.

• Grew out my lashes and brows
  YES, QUEENS. This is a big deal and you KNOW it.

• Grew close and got face-to-face with Jesus
  Not just the Sunday version of Him. I met Him in my tears, in the quiet, in the chaos. And I clung to Him when I didn’t know what else to hold onto.

• Actually took time to understand and heal from the things I used to dwell on
  Not surface-level healing. The deep, uncomfortable kind. The kind that makes you cry in the car.

• Started this blog
  My little space on the internet. A corner for honesty, growth, humor, faith, and all the chaos in between.

• Got out of my comfort zone
  Again and again and again. And even when I wanted to run back to safety, I stayed. And I grew.

Things I Learned as a Result

• God’s timing is real
  He’s never late. Never early. Just… not on my schedule. And that’s okay.

• Patience is good for the soul
  I used to think it was boring or weak. It’s actually peaceful. Steady. Powerful.

• Enjoy where you are right now
  Stop obsessing over the next thing. The future’s coming whether you stress about it or not. Don’t miss what’s happening right in front of you.

• There is someone out there who has everything you want in a partner
  And you don’t have to settle or shape-shift to be loved.

• If you don’t know what to do, pray
  Simple. Effective.

• God hears your tears
  Even when no words come out, He listens. He understands. And He holds you through it.

• Womanhood is so fun
  It’s powerful, soft, creative, complex. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

• You have to live your life
  Even if you’re scared. Even if you’re unsure. Do it anyway. Terrified is better than stuck.

• There’s no rush
  Literally. You are not behind. You are not late. You are right on time.

• Worrying doesn’t fix anything
  It just exhausts you. I promise.

• Anxiety is just trying to help you
  It’s not the villain. It’s trying to protect you—but sometimes it overdoes it. And that’s okay.

• Someone who wants to be with you will show you
  You won’t have to decode it. Their actions will match their words. Wait for that.

• Actions > words
  Every time. Every season. Every situation.

• Do the work—and enjoy the process
  The result matters, sure. But the process? That’s where the life happens. That’s where you become who you’re meant to be.