My Morning Routine - Organized Chaos
I am not a morning person. I’m a person in the morning.
What I Do Most Mornings (AKA survival mode)
6:00 AM – Alarm goes off. I’m immediately filled with rage.
6:01 AM – Get up to turn off the alarm (yes, it’s across the room like they tell you to do… no, it does not keep me from crawling back in bed).
6:20 AM – Roll out of bed for real. Pray. Beg the Lord for strength, beauty, and patience.
6:21 AM – Let the dogs out. Feed them. Try not to trip.
6:22 AM – Aimlessly roam. Ponder.
6:25 AM – Go pee while holding hands with Skipper. Don’t make it weird.
6:26–6:36 AM – Put my face on.
6:37–6:40 AM – Put on clothes because I do not, in fact, live in a nudist colony. Unfortunately.
6:41 AM – Debate breakfast. Take my anxiety pill. Chug water.
6:42 AM – Pack lunch. Try to pretend the fridge isn’t just expired sauces.
6:45 AM – Force Skipper to give me a goodbye kiss. He plays hard to get. Every day.
6:47 AM – Skidaddle!!!
What I Do on Better Mornings (small wins)
Pretty much the same as above…
BUT I will style my hair. I might even use heat.
What My Perfect Morning Looks Like (once a week)
6:00 AM – Wake up and get out of bed. (Already winning.) Pray. Say something nice to myself.
6:01 AM – Feed the dogs like the responsible adult I pretend to be.
6:02–6:04 AM – Meander.
6:05 AM – Pee + hold hands with Skipper. Duh
6:06–6:25 AM – Do a silly lil’ pajama workout. Arms, legs, vibes—burn baby, burn.
6:26 AM – Pop the anxiety pill. Guzzle water.
6:27–6:40 AM – Paint my face, do a lil’ hair zhuzh.
6:41 AM – Take a moment to mourn my dream of nudist colony life.
6:45 AM – Scavenge the kitchen for edible items and pack them in my cute lil floral lunch box.
6:50 AM – Kiss my son goodbye. Beg for affection. He withholds.
6:51 AM – Exit stage left.
Note: Time stamps are loose. This is more vibes than military precision.
What I Wish My Morning Routine Was
5:30 AM – Wake up naturally like the Proverbs 31 woman I aspire to be.
5:31 AM – Feed and water the dogs, whisper blessings over their food.
5:32–5:34 AM – Ponder and meander with my gua sha, obviously.
5:35 AM – Pee + hold Skipper’s paw + tell him: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
5:36–5:46 AM – Read my Bible and pray like a good Christian woman.
5:47–6:17 AM – Full-body workout with a stretch ;)
6:18–6:30 AM – Take my time with makeup and hair. Music playing. Maybe a candle is lit.
6:31 AM – Anti-nudist colony check. Fine. Clothes it is.
6:32 AM – Gracefully rummage the pantry for breakfast “delights” like a Victorian heiress.
6:35 AM – Tell Skipper goodbye and thank him for his emotional support.
6:36 AM – Skidaddle ~ gracefully ~
Want to see a nighttime version of this chaos? Just say the word.
