Feral to Feminine
I have been in this state where I was fully entrenched in the world of being a tomboy. Picture this: baggy clothes, cussing like a sailor, blasting racy music, and telling the boy jokes just to fit in. I wasn’t just living life, I was in a competition—trying to outdo the guys at every turn. Lifting heavy, working hard, and being tough. I worked in a male-dominated field, and I convinced myself that the way to survive was by being one of them. But over time, something started to feel off. I was so focused on impressing others and trying to prove myself, I forgot to honor the femininity that was always there, waiting to be discovered. Trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t mine took me further away from the woman I was truly meant to be.
And let’s be real—part of it was me trying to impress guys. I thought being “one of the boys,” showing off my toughness, and downplaying my femininity would somehow make me more attractive. It worked for a while. I may have gotten some attention, but it wasn’t the type of attention I really wanted. The truth is, it never would have led me to the kind of man I’ve prayed for—the one who sees me for who I truly am, the one who values the depth of my heart and the strength of my spirit. It’s easy to get lost in the wrong kind of validation when you’re chasing after what seems to be the “cool” thing, but the real treasure is found when you stop trying to impress and start being yourself.
But here’s the thing—I'm still on that journey. I haven’t fully embraced the feminine side of me, but I’m working on it. Little by little, I’m letting go of the “tough” exterior that no longer serves me and stepping into the woman God designed me to be. There are days I still find myself slipping back into old habits, but I’m learning. And that’s okay.
So here’s what I’ve been doing, and I want to share it with you. These are the steps I’ve taken, the tips I’m trying, and the lessons I’m learning on my path to rediscovering my femininity.
Music: Changing the Soundtrack of My Life
First off, the music. Goodbye to $uicideboy$, Xavier Wulf, Future, and all the heavy, depressing titty rap that left me feeling angry and chaotic. These songs weren’t just words—they were shaping my mood, my mind, and even my actions. Scripture reminds us in Philippians 4:8 that we are to focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. The music I was listening to didn’t reflect those qualities. Now, I’ve replaced those intense tracks with house music that keeps me feeling energized but in a much gentler, more positive way. Music is a powerful tool that shapes our hearts and minds. I’ve found that surrounding myself with uplifting beats has helped me embrace peace and joy, and even boosted my energy throughout the day.
Wardrobe: Embracing Modesty with Confidence
Then there’s my wardrobe. Let’s just say my closet went from baggy and oversized to fitted, tailored, and more feminine. I still love modesty, but I’ve found that wearing clothes that show off my shape, while keeping it classy and covered, feels so much more empowering. I used to hide behind fabric, thinking it was safer or cooler, but now I realize that wearing something that actually fits your body—something that makes you feel like you—is a form of self-respect. It’s about showing up in the world as the woman God created, full of grace and strength. I think of Proverbs 31:25: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” I want to walk in that strength, fully embracing my femininity, no matter how I feel some days.
Beauty: Embracing My Natural Self
But this isn’t just about clothes—it’s about embracing natural beauty. I stopped spending an hour each morning blow-drying my hair and let it fall naturally. No more obsessing over perfection. Instead, I’ve chosen to embrace my natural features. I wear minimal makeup, focusing on enhancing what I already have, rather than covering it up. As I let go of those beauty standards that weren’t aligned with who I am, I’ve found a new freedom in simply being myself. It’s not about looking “perfect”; it’s about being comfortable in the skin God gave me. And as for the language—I’m trying to cuss less. It’s a work in progress, but I’m consciously choosing more positive, thoughtful alternatives. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Words matter. I’m learning to speak life, not just to others, but to myself, too.
Mindfulness: Living with Intention
Along with that, I’ve become more mindful. I’ve learned to be less reactive, less involved in the drama. I’ve started leaving out certain details in conversations—things that don’t serve me or align with my values. I’m not here to impress anyone anymore. I’m just here to be myself. And I’ve found that the less “boy talk” I engage in, the more I feel like I’m honoring who I truly am. Plus, being on my phone less has been a game-changer. It’s wild how much more I experience life when I’m not distracted by screens. By being mindful of my time and energy, I’m able to stay grounded and present. Romans 12:2 reminds us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The world can pull us in many directions, but when we renew our minds through God’s Word, we can start to live with purpose and intention.
Routines: Finding Purpose in Consistency
Here’s where it gets really exciting: stepping into my femininity has helped me get my routines together in a way I never expected. I’ve noticed that as I embrace this more feminine side, I wake up earlier, feel more energized, and have far more productive days. I’ve made a point to embrace the Proverbs 31 woman I’ve always admired—the woman who’s strong, wise, and full of grace, who takes care of her home and family, who wakes up before dawn and works with a joyful heart. I’m not perfect (and I’m certainly not trying to be), but my goal is to get as close as I can. I’ve been more consistent with my routines—whether it’s my morning skincare ritual, my devotionals, or simply planning my day with intention. This level of organization and mindfulness is a direct result of leaning into the feminine aspects of my life. It’s helping me stay on track and truly feel the power of having a balanced, purposeful day.
And here’s one of my favorite things: overdressing. Yep, I’ve been making a point to dress up when I can. I’m not talking about being extra every day, but choosing to embrace my femininity in the little things. There’s something so empowering about taking the time to feel beautiful, even when you’re just running errands. It reminds me that I am worthy of investing in myself, and that’s been such a healthy mindset shift.
But more than anything, what I’ve realized is that this journey isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about becoming someone else, but about becoming more of the woman God made me to be. And with that, there’s been so much growth in my heart, too. My prayers have shifted. They’ve gone from being filled with desperation, bargaining, and asking for more, to being full of gratitude for what I have now. I pray multiple times a day, and each time, I find myself thanking God for His provision, for the strength He’s given me, and for the opportunity to grow and learn. It’s not about asking for more, but about being thankful for what’s already here.
I haven’t fully embraced femininity, and honestly, that’s okay. I’m still figuring it out, and I’m okay with that. The important thing is that I’m making steps forward. It’s about embracing who I am, who I’m becoming, and trusting that God’s plan for me is far better than anything I could have imagined on my own.
So, if you’re on a similar journey, know that it’s okay to take it slow. Be kind to yourself. Embrace the process, and always, always be grateful for where you are right now. This isn’t a race—it’s a beautiful, evolving journey.
And trust me, even when you’re not quite there yet, it’s okay. Because God is working on you, and He’s got the most beautiful plan for your life, even if it doesn’t look like you thought it would!!
